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Don't ask to ask, just ask (2019)

dontasktoask.com Books & learning Tutorials & guides Web & internet Candidate
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Resurfaced independently across 6 calendar years, with breakout response in 2 of them.

submissions
8
submitters
8
observed span
2019–2025
peak thread · 366 comments
247 pts
latest 20+ return · 2025-08-21
26 pts

Submission timeline

2007–2026

One slot for every year since HN launched. Height is that year's peak points; orange marks a 100+ point or 50+ comment breakout. Select a bar to open its strongest thread.

First comments on top threads

HN comment order

Yes, this, 100%. I find it very annoying to get a notification popping up on my screen for you to say "hi" when obviously you want to ask me for something...and then you don't ask or say anything else until I stop what I'm doing and say "Hi! What's up?" back to you. After another 5-10 minutes of waiting for you to see me ask "what's up?" and then type out what is up, which we all knew you were…

I wrote a similar guide (less concise/maybe more detailed) a few years back: https://josh.works/better-questions In another post, I make a case for never, ever asking "are you there?" in Slack[0]. It's been popular for my friends who work on remote teams inside of larger non-remote companies. Both are relevant, both try to encourage us to be respectful of the time and effort others might give us. https://josh.works/whole-messages-in-slack#you-there-and-oth...

It‘s similar to how some people in the company’s chat first initiate a longish back and forth of formal chit-chat before actually coming to the point of asking their question. I know full well from the first „hi“ that there will be coming a question my way at some point later but now I have to stop what I was doing and engage in an unnecessary real-time conversation to enable the other side to ask. Whereas if they just asked…

This drove me crazy in online discussions until I realized that 99% of the time, people who "ask to ask" don't just have a question, they want someone to be their dedicated tech support or mentor who will hold their hand and walk them through it, or will outright do the work for them. Now I just mentally filter these requests out and pretend they don't exist.

The first top-level comment from each of the four biggest threads, in HN’s own order. Excerpts are shortened; open a comment for full context.

Breakout years
2

100+ points or 50+ comments

Total points
531

reference only — not used in Hall rules or ranking

Total comments
511

reference only — not used in Hall rules or ranking

Every submission

DateTitle as submittedByPointsComments
2019-01-18Don't ask to ask, just asksaranshk20
2020-08-24Don't ask to ask, just askFirst breakoutchynkm187101
2021-04-17Don't ask to ask, just askst_goliath120
2021-12-18Don't Ask to Askrsie_above22
2022-03-11Don't ask to ask, just ask (2019)Best threadchetangoti247366
2024-03-07Don't ask to ask, just askRyanShook30
2024-03-20Don't ask to ask, just askRyeCombinator5237
2025-08-21Don't ask to ask, just askLatest 20+ point returnthunderbong265